It’s time to get the congregation together, invade a former church ancillary building and worship the simple art of chilling. Just three minutes from the south-coast seafront in Hastings, St Clements offers two units in one for up to 14 or so family, friends, and well-behaved dogs. All beneath a giant glitterball.
That means two kitchens and two living spaces, all connected with a triple-height atrium. Come together, drift apart, party, don’t party; do whatever comes naturally. However you play it, you’ll eat well, sleep well and be effortlessly entertained by an array of toys, games and modern gadgetry.
Get your fill of Netflix, Prime and Disney+. Stream away on the Vodafone high-speed fibre with 5G back up. Magic up some Bluetooth music on the Apple HomePods and Alexa. Hit the beach by day and the avenues and alleyways of the Old Town by night: home to bars, eateries and coffee houses hiding down smugglers’ rat runs.
The main playgrounds here are three minutes away: down on the pebbly beach or out and about around the Old Town’s smuggling haunts, among the coffee shops and eateries. But there’s space here out on the decked patio for a barbie beneath the big skies and a hidden rooftop hangout. Bring on the great outdoors. But don’t forget the wine.
Beneath the glitterball that hangs from the triple-height ceiling, you’ll take a pew in plush, posh spaces with leather and L-shaped sofas big enough to cover a small country. Chill among the pendulum lights, spotlights, homely rugs and parquet flooring. Get together in the two lounge areas, or drift apart in the snug.
Catch a match or a favourite movie on the two 55” smart TVs, the 42” TV (one disguised as a piece of art) and the projector. Take your pick from Netflix, Amazon Prime or Disney+. Tap into the Vodafone high-speed fibre with 5G back-up. Immerse yourself in room-filling sound with the two Apple HomePods. Ask Alexa whatever you like. For corporates and presentations, a projector and large screen are available.
For more traditional fun, there’s a groaning bookcase upstairs that’ll be grateful if you relieve it of a little weight. Or you can head downstairs to play some ping-pong. Raid the DVDs, compete for bragging rights on the board games, pour some fresh coffee from the cafetieres or wine from the fridge. Party past bedtime. Get up when you say so.
You’ll get 16 around the dining table or out on the deck with a barbecue beneath the wheeling gulls and the sea-blue sky. Feed everyone from the dual-fuel twin cooker in the main kitchen or overflow with the dual-fuel cooker downstairs. Raid the American-style fridge-freezer with ice-maker for snacks and drinks.
Pop in to Penbuckles deli for cheeses, cured meats, wine, spirits and chocolates and add a wine from Grape Time. Prefer to leave the kitchen capers to us? We have top chefs who’ll step in when you can’t stand the heat, to prepare a one-off celebration or a fully catered break. Just say the word. We’ll even do the dishes afterwards.
Eat imaginative British fare at The Crown or real ales and no-frills pub grub at Ye Olde Pumphouse. Head out to First In Last Out to gaze at the central fireplace and tackle Sussex old spot gammon and salt-beef sandwiches. Or maybe The Stag Inn, with its inglenook fireplaces, mummified cats and exciting menu of seasonal dishes.
Restaurants include Fortes Pizzeria, or try the sourdough version at Monellis. Tuck into the tastes of Asia at Bay Spice, the best of African and Caribbean dishes at Carib de L’Afrique, or the essence of England at Maggie’s Fish and Chips. Or try cocktails, mussels and music with a side of surf and sand views at Teddy’s Beach Diner.
St Clements Hastings sleeps 14, in five official bedrooms and a couple of reliable extras. Expect crisp linen, four-posters and glass walls.
The mezzanine master sleeps two to four (at 35sqm, there’s plenty of room). You’ll also enjoy two large windows perfect for gazing out over the trees to the church. A double-height wall of glass runs along the entire seven-metre width with full width curtains for night-time darkness. Have fun in the hanging chair.
A second mezzanine bedroom sleeps two in a kingsize. The large glass wall gives you views down the atrium to the ground floor, again with floor and width length curtains for privacy. A third mezzanine bedroom can be arranged as a double or two singles. Enjoy more glass-wall views of the atrium. For two extra guests, there’s a double sofa bed in the snug.
Downstairs in the Basement Flat, the en-suite master comes with kingsize four-poster. The second ground-floor bedroom is set up for kids, with two singles that convert to a double with zip-and-link if preferred.
Perhaps the biggest draw for children here is three minutes away: the rolling waves and the endless beach of sea-smoothed pebbles. But there’s plenty on site to keep boredom at bay, not least the cavernous spaces offering opportunities for endless hide-and-seek.
There’s more traditional fun in the form of a table-tennis table in the main living area, plus a bunch of board games and kids’ toys. For bookworms, there’s a bookcase bulging with reading matter. And if you’re bringing babies, you’ll find cots and a highchair to smooth the experience.
For 21st-century entertainment, you’ve got two 55” smart TVs and a large screen projector to catch a match or movie and another 42” for alternative viewing. One’s an art TV – so the room looks great whether you’re on the box or not. All TVs come with Netflix, Prime and Disney+, so you’ll never miss your favourite shows.
Wifi? Stream away with the Vodafone high-speed fibre with 5G backup. Mix up the music with Alexa and the Apple HomePods, a breakthrough Bluetooth speaker that delivers high-fidelity audio no matter where it’s placed. When the sun’s out, grab some vitamin D playing on the deck in the ocean air.